When I was young I created a little space to write and dream about being a great success.
It was just two couch cushions – one for my back and one to sit on, and a small white table that had seen better days.
Everything comes full circle. Fast forward to today…
The last few weeks I’ve loved sitting on the floor in a corner of my office and doing anything from journaling to laying on my stomach using coloured pencils to map everything out.
I didn’t even remember the childhood link until yesterday.
Remembering this memory definitely got me thinking about childhood passions, dreams and fears. One of my favourite quotes you may hear me say quite often is that you can run but you can’t hide.
Distractions don’t actually fix anything – they’re merely bandaids.
I had so many unhealed wounds hiding under these bandaids and it’s time to rip the whole damn lot off.
I’m not good enough.
Not worthy enough.
Not pretty enough.
Not smart enough.
Don’t know enough.
Am not enough.
The thing, is I’ve been working on myself for over 20 years and yet I’m still uncovering deep seated beliefs that have kept me yo-yo-ing all my life.
I was raised to believe that life was tough. You had to work hard to buy a house and the ultimate thing in life is to pay off your house.
I was raised in a strict Lebanese Christian household, which meant that had some awesome values instilled in me like honesty and integrity.
The downside to this was that I was shown the black and white view of the world. There were no shades of gray, or even colours in there.
It was dark + gloomy.
Whilst I was pretty cluey, creative and intuitive (always knowing things without knowing how I knew) I was emotionally stunted. Not knowing how to deal with the emotions of life, because I was always taught to stay strong and don’t fall apart.
My Mum is one of the strongest women I know, and I love her dearly. I will always be grateful for the values and life lessons she has taught me. She’s just old school Lebanese.
I totally get that she did the best she could with the knowledge she had, and I love her strength, resilience and intellligence. I lost my Dad when I was 10 and she was both Mum and Dad.
I’m blessed to have awesome siblings. There’s 6 of us – 5 girls and 1 boy. My oldest Sister passed away in 1991 of Brain cancer, and my Mum has raised her 4 kids.
So you see why I have so much respect and admiration for my Mum.
Everyone has their own method of survival.
What are you hiding from in order to survive?
I lived in survival mode for many years. Reacting rather responding.
It’s quite tiring to be in this constant state of fight or flight response.
That’s why I CHOSE to move out of this state.
I choose to be present, grounded and open to receiving.
All of this is an unfolding over time.
Although it will all manifest as it needs to, you can create magic when you just DECIDE.
When you make the decision to be the creator of your life, rather than the observer, shifts happen.
It’s never too late to take charge.
Society has a way of instilling a cut-off or used by date when it comes to creating the life of your dreams. Some peeps think that if they haven’t ‘made it’ by a certain age then it’s never going to happen.
I can honestly say that even though I’m getting older, I feel I have more opportunities now that I didn’t see when I was younger.
There is also more sense of freedom in creating it myself the way I want it.
No more believing that I needed an Employer or a Man to take care of me to survive. I just needed to BELIEVE in ME!
As a Woman, I feel more empowered than ever before.
Growing up in a Lebanese household tends to work in a Man’s favour, so I’m blessed to have witnessed my Mum’s independance from a young age.
My Mum was driving a manual car, when women barely drove. The funny thing is that I even passed my P’s licence on manual, when girls were only driving automatic cars.
Take the lessons, and let go of the emotions.
I used to think that meant stuffing things away, and not FEELING the negative emotion. I learned (the hard way) that I had it totally wrong.
Feel the emotion. Jump right into it. Own it. Release it. Take the lesson. Move on!
Connecting and aligning to the moon has really helped me connect to my emotions on a deeper level.
I shied away from going too deep with emotions, coz I thought it was weak and girly to do so.
Working with the lunar cycle has allowed me to realize that there is a strength in vulnerability. I can be FIERCE and FEMININE without being wussy.
I hated weakness (and still resent it to some extent).
Appearing weak or vulnerable was torture. Some people have the natural ability to show their vulnerability – not me.
I had to work HARD for it.
And it’s STILL a work in progress, but I can honestly say that I’ve come a long way.
I’m proud of my progress every day.
Refining my hustle + flow more deeply.
Ready to share more of my journey, to light the way for you.
If you’re ready to claim your calling. I’m running a live Lunar Hustle + Flow Program starting at the end of June (Cancer New Moon). Think: 8 Live calls at every phase, Private FB group support, hot-seat coaching on each call + an awesome bonus.
If you’d like to know more, message me directly at http://www.m.me/zenhustler and I’ll respond with more info.